Dec 8 I have been slacking off on writing. I promised to find happy beautiful thoughts, but I have been to distracted and lazy to write them down. Time to start again. TODAY, Good morning my love, wake up little men, rise and shine to the fresh clear blue sky, kittens rustling about, soft puppy kisses, the rewards of mounds of laundry washed and folded , running outside with the warm sun gently hugging my cold skin, closing my eyes and breathing long and deep, thankful for the clean air and smell of pine trees and burning wood fires, in the company of a dear friend precious friend.The feel of soft pizza dough squishy and lovely in my palms. Packing for a weekend in the city. Calm and content,yet ready to have some wine, just because its nice. It has been a good day.

November 26 We have enjoyed a few relaxing days filled with food,friends, lingering in pajamas cocktails peacefully lounging in our hands. today I was ready for a change, perhaps a jaunt into town, farmers market, a movie just a change of pace. Well day wasn't very far into our morning and my wish was realized. Yesterday, after weeks of pondering the american epidemic of childhood obesity, I took the plunge, a financial investment to ward off the trend of little american fat children sitting in front of tv. Kmart held the answer to relieve my worrying mind, a trampoline complete with the safety net. The safety net of course relieves all parents from any guilt,from dismembered children,to skulls crashing at high speeds into each other, the safety net is all you need. It keeps children safely bouncing their happy, healthy,hyper little selves while the parents cheer them off, happy they are keeping them safe from all the obesity related diseases of their lazy little chubby neighbor kids. So as I was frying up the bacon and pancakes this morning ( we can eat that way, we have a trampoline now) I heard the horrific scream that spelled trouble. There was brock, laying helplessly in the confines of the safety net, screaming and wailing, jimmie and sean kneeling above him. The dilemma, emergency room or not? He lays there, big brown eyes, streaming with tears. Flashbacks. Prior hospital visits, its a gamble. the rooster that attacked cole, the time tristan was told " whatever you do, don't touch the thing that looks exactly like a gun, the house sprayer full of stain, please don't pick it up and shoot your broth directly in the face with it!" The bunk bed incident when jens gramma asked" meha aren't you afraid the children will fall off that ladder?" Me " no they go up and down all the t..." BOOM! Broken elbow , Always the dilemma, if I don't respond quickly enough to the emergency room I risk life long guilt if in fact there is an injury which transforms my perfect healthy child into a drooling paraplegic, then theres the other choice, run off to the emergency room, only to find the child is perfectly fine, a very dramatic academy award winning star of screaming , which calms once you are in that little room where they close the curtain. Once your behind the curtain, it feels like your committed. suddenly the reality sets in, and everything in the room is transformed into dollar bills which you picture floating away from you fast and furious. But they have closed the curtain, theres no turning back, if you try to make a run for it, you look like a negligent parent, and if they take your kid it could cost more in lawyer fees to get your child back, so not that your hoping the five thousand dollar x rays will reveal bones crushed to oblivion, but in some way your hoping at least they find something wrong so you don't feel like such a moron who just loves throwing your money away at the ER. Well this time this is how it went for us, he was completely healthy and fine and we are left with a very expensive bill. So it goes. I am sure he loved the doting attention, and maybe he needed a little one on one time with his folks anyhow, and thats a sure fire way to get it. The next time I am faced with this dilemma, they will have to suffer and scream just a wee bit longer.